So my last post that I made was about an interview that I went on a few weeks ago that I had been preparing and preparing and preparing for that I ended up tanking really badly. And since it was a long story I decided to save the real moral of the story for another post (this post).
I’m not sure that alot of people understood this but I had worked my a** off preparing and psyching myself up for that interview. It was my first legit interview other than the ones I did for the fast food place and the campus job I worked. I really hadn’t expected it to go so terribly and it took its toll on me when it did.
I was incredibly angry and disappointed with myself. I’ll tell you a few things I was thinking and saying to myself…
I feel like sh*t inside. How could I f*ck that up so badly? Nobody cares about me enough to console me. I hate that I have anxiety problems. Why can’t I just be happy and content? What the f*ck is wrong with me?
I know we’ve all had these kinds of thoughts before at some point and I want to tell you how I bounced back from that pit of despair I was in where those were the only things I could think. I had to step outside myself for a moment and look at how hard I was being on myself. The problem wasn’t that other people were mad at me and disappointed in me… the problem was that I was mad and disappointed in myself. I wasn’t cutting myself any slack. I wasn’t consoling myself. I wasn’t caring about myself. I wasn’t loving myself. I was just beating myself up really bad …and that’s why I felt like sh*t inside.
So my message today is, love yourself. If you tend to beat yourself up really bad about your failures, you don’t love yourself. First you have to be able to see what you’re doing and the effect it’s having on you. I was beating myself up every day after that interview and pushing myself deeper and deeper into a pit of depression and loneliness. I had to stop and ask myself, What’s going on here? Why do I feel this way? I’m beating myself up because I’m mad and disappointed with myself. Once I pinpointed the problem I had to try to console myself and cut myself some slack. And this is the hardest part if you’re anything like me. So what I do is I think, What if your friend was in this same situation that’s making you upset? What would you tell them? …I would probably tell my friend that this isn’t the end of the world and there will be more opportunities and interviews to come because she’s smart, qualified, and determined (especially since she worked her a** off preparing for a presentation interview knowing that’s not her strong suit).
Moral of the story, when you’re beating yourself up:
- Take a step back and ask yourself, What’s going on? and Why do I feel this way?
- Try to console yourself. If this is hard for you ask yourself what you would tell a good friend in the exact same situation. (What you would tell a friend is what you should be telling yourself).
- Make a list of as many consolations and reasons you can cut yourself some slack as you can think of.
- Even if you don’t believe what you’re telling yourself and it seems corny… Keep reading over your list. Say those things aloud to yourself whenever you’re feeling down.
These are the first steps on the path to loving yourself.
***Update: I actually ended up getting that job so I mean it when I say, realize that irrational thoughts are real. I thought I was the worst interviewee in the world and I told myself that and I actually believed it… and then I actually got the job. Fight those thoughts because they can really bring you down and you don’t need that in your life.***